Strategies to Calm and Change Behavior

Children with Autism can be easily overwhelmed and overstimulated. This can easily lead to tantrums and behaviors that many would see as oppositional or defiant. I have come up with a couple of suggestions that can help when your child is at that point when they are about to have a meltdown.

Calming Choices

• Take 5 deep calming breaths

• Take a walk

• Take a break

• Relax

• Sit in the bean bag chair

Another great tool to use is "if-then" stories. The example below shows "if" you wash your hands, "then" you can eat a treat. This way your child sees the objective and the reinforcement....they know what task they have to do in order to get what they want. Many times, children with autism just want to know why they have to do things. This gives them the clear why. Like the bottom example, it can show what happens with both positive and negative behavior, giving clear consequences. 

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Social stories are another great way to show children with autism how their behavior impacts themselves and others. In this example, the boy is using his words to tell how he is feeling instead of just exploding with anger. Social stories can help in many situations. The best thing about these stories is that you can go over them before the situations actually happen and you can go over questions and let your child ask questions if they have any.

What strategies have you used both at home and at school?

Discipline Does Not Cure Autism

One of the hardest things when you have a child with Autism is how do you discipline them. Of course, part of it depends on where they are on the spectrum and how much they understand consequences of their actions. My son has Asperger's so I am going to talk about Asperger's, as that is what I know the most about.

Before he was diagnosed, we were told (by an actual doctor!) that we simply were not strict enough, that we needed to spank him more, that we needed to be more firm, to restrain him during a tantrum and put him in time out. Well, if you have a child with autism and sensory needs, you know that these are the exact opposite of what a child with these types of special needs can handle. It really does take a special understanding of your child and these disorders to understand the best way to get through to your child and make an impact so that a negative behavior will not continue.

Zazzle Tshirt

• When your child is emotional and upset, it is not the time to get onto your child about whatever they have done wrong.  Give your child time to calm down. Then you can talk calmly about it, go through what happened. It is usually a miscommunication or misinterpretation. Try to see things the way the other person sees it. Your child might need to do that by drawing pictures or writing social stories to fully understand.
• Children often will not follow the rules unless the understand the "why." Post a list of the rules and their consequences so your child will know what to expect and why.
• Never resort to physical punishment or restraint. These usually escalate negative behaviors. 
• The best discipline is positive, parents must rely on providing incentives for desirable behaviors before using punishments to control undesirable behaviors.

What discipline techniques have you used that have worked the best? Please share!

Menu Monday 3/12

We are eating out of the cabinets and freezer this week, trying to use things up so some of our meals are going to seem kind of random...but we are kind of random people! :-)

• Monday: Leftover Pot Roast over mashed potatoes. My kids love this, so why fight it?!!
• Tuesday: Homemade Deli Sandwiches: We have both deli rolls and deli meat that needs to get eaten so let's just pretend we are at a deli!
• Wednesday: Pasta: Cannot go wrong with pasta in this house!
• Thursday: Daddy comes home, so we will have breaded chicken, rice and a vegetable...probably broccoli or green beans.
• Friday: Breakfast for dinner: Pumpkin pancakes and sausage...yummy!
• Saturday: I think we are going to my parents house so maybe spaghetti and meatballs.
• Sunday: Steak, potatoes and salad.

Do you have any good recipes to share?

Piano as a Sport

Yesterday was a big day for my daughter. She was in a piano competition that was district wide. To make a comparison, this would be like a lower basketball team beating a higher basketball team to move on and get into the tournament. If she did well in this competition, she would move on to the state competition in two weeks. 

To throw a monkey wrench in the works, she got tennis elbow a couple of weeks ago. Who knew that you could get tennis elbow from playing piano?!! Apparently, it is not only possible, but it happens quite often. She even has to have physical therapy. When she saw the physical therapist on Friday morning, he said not to use her arm at all until Saturday. But Lindsey does things her own way when it comes to her music so she did run through her pieces Friday night and Saturday morning, but she said she felt good about playing.

Finally it was Lindsey's turn to play. She went into the room and my mom and I stood outside the door waiting the five or so minutes. We could not hear anything so we had no idea how she was doing. As soon as the door opened, Lindsey rushed out and burst into tears as if her world was falling apart. She said that in the last piece (ironically, it is the same piece that originally injured her arm) her arm got very tense and she felt like she couldn't move it anymore. The way she made it sound, it was like the whole thing was a hot mess! She was crying and everyone was looking at us with pitiful eyes. 

We tried to comfort her and tell her things like at least you tried or you did your best and that is all you can do. Because there are many people who would have just dropped out. She never even considered that. My mom whispered to me, "I just hope she didn't make a 'Very Good'" which is not very good! 

Soon, they came with the envelope that held the certificates and started calling names. When they called Lindsey's, we could all immediately see the gold seal, meaning that she got a superior. Lindsey and my mom both started crying, everyone was so happy!

The lesson to take from this is even when things seem stacked against you, keep going. But even if she had not done as well, I still would have been proud of her. Not everyone would have tried as hard as she did with an injury. These days, parents are so quick to make sure their kids don't have their feelings hurt, or that that their kids always win that kids do not know how to lose anymore. My kids do not play sports and sportsmanship really is not something we have a need to talk about as Lindsey is the only one who "competes" in anything...if you want to call piano competition a sport. But even if she had received something less than superior, she would have still congratulated her fellow competitors and honestly meant it! She is really a great kid!! 

Favorite Pins of the Week

These are some of my favorite pins of the week. You can find them on my Pinterest boards, and follow me for more great pins!

Leave me your Pinterest link in the comments and I will follow you back!

Double Duty Therapy

Today, I had my first personal training session (AKA, torture session) that I received for Christmas. As I was suffering through it, trying not to think about how much I disliked what I was doing and how much it hurt, I was thinking about whether or not these things could be used in a sensory way. I mean, sure, it was tough for me, but that just means that when Ethan was in the middle of one of those "engine too high" moments, that maybe I could break one of those exercise type things out.

You can take exercise bands that you normally would do the above exercise with and instead, wrap it around the bottom of the two front chair legs and have your child with sensory needs use that band to stretch out, or wiggle and bounce their feet and legs and they will still be able to focus because the band will absorb all the movements.

On the left is the typical triceps exercise and on the right is an exercise that Ethan has done in the past when he used to wiggle around in his seat. He would only do about 10, but sometimes if the whole class was wiggly, the teacher would just have everyone do the chair dips. After all, it certainly is not going to hurt the kids and if it helps the refocus, what does it hurt?!!

Above is the typical stretching exercise you would do after exercising, but have you ever done the Wilbarger Bushing Protocol and joint compressions? When Ethan was first diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder, this was one of the first strategies given to us by an occupational therapist. we would brush his skin briskly with that hospital brush up there in the corner...his arms, his torso, his back, his legs, and his feet..then we would literally pull on his joints...his shoulders, his elbows, his wrists, each joint in his hands and fingers, we would bend his legs up to stretch his hip, stretch his knees, flex his ankles and his toes. Believe it or not, it helped. We started off doing it three times a day and eventually got down to only once a day. We don't do it at all anymore. He doesn't really like to be touched, so it is not something he misses. If anything, he likes to be squished...but he definitely does not miss the brushing.

What are some double duty therapy items that you have used?

Birthday Candy and Easter Candy

My daughter has a birthday coming up and she wants a candy theme which is not the easiest! I had been looking at this website, Dylan's Candy Bar and they have some great stuff. Look at this tackle box filled with candy... 

If it didn't cost so much and my daughter wasn't inviting so many people, I would give these to each of her friends. 

Then, as I always do, my brain got distracted and I started looking at what else they had. The next big holiday is Easter and boy, do they have Easter stuff! They have baskets, eggs, candy bars, make your own baskets, you name it, they have it! This is my favorite basket...

Isn't that the cutest?!! I always have the hardest time with Easter baskets because Jonah can only have a certain type of chocolate and if Ethan and Lindsey get chocolate, Jonah gets jealous. Usually, the baskets I make are filled with non-food items, like crayons, toys, pj's, toothbrushes...probably disappointing items.  

Maybe you wish you could give a Bunny Pants Basket to your kids, and you can! Just 

Hop over to Dylan's Candy Bar and see what they have to offer. They even ship their chocolate overnight during spring and summer months so it does not melt.

What would you buy? Do you go all out on Easter baskets for your kids?

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Kids and Volunteer Work

On Wednesday's I volunteer at my boy's elementary school as part of their reading program. There are many kids at the school where English is not their first language, and it is not spoken at home. This means, that they will have a harder time on their EOG's (the standardized test they take in the spring) so the school has volunteers come in and help them with their reading to prepare them. Really, most of the kids know how to read...this program start with 3rd grade...it is the comprehension of what they are reading that they have difficulty with.

The boy that I work with is the same age as Ethan, in 4th grade and he can read almost every word in every story in the booklet given to us. But he has no idea what some of the words mean. That is a problem when the questions ask what is meant when the writer says "xyz". I take the word by word approach. As we are reading, I can pretty much tell what words he is not familiar with and I will stop him at the end of the paragraph and go back and ask him if he knows what that word means. Sometimes I am surprised at the words he does not know, but that is what I am there for...I am just glad I can help him.

Last week, I came to his classroom to get him and he was not there. His teacher said it was the first time he had been absent since being at the school...keep in mind, he is in 4th grade! So, I asked him today if he had been sick last week. He said no, then hesitated. I didn't push, it was none of my business why he was out. Really, I was just making small talk until we got to the library. Then he said, "I was out because my dad went to jail and I had to take care of my mom. The last time I was out was when my mom had a baby."

What do you say to that? I just said I was sorry he had to go through that and that it must be tough for him. He responded, "Yeah, but he gets out Friday."

The things kids have to go through...
What would you have said? Or would have said anything?

A Day in the Life of the worstest mommy Part 3

..as you can see, my days go on and on and once the kids get home it seems like the day slips by too fast or it doesn't go by fast enough. Yesterday, once we got home from picking Lindsey up from school it was bath time for the boys. And by bath time, I mean the five minutes they play in the water before they jump out to go play somewhere else. I am not even sure the water has penetrated their dirt shield, but at least I tried! When they come downstairs, we have dinner. Sometimes, I have dinner early for them and then a snack before bed. They are going to ask for snack before bed anyway...this way I just get rid of the excuses. After we eat, Lindsey takes cares of the dishes and I try to get the boys to clean up the box of legos they had dumped on the floor. But by cleaning, they thought I meant to play farming in the middle ages and they chose to harvest their wheat or something instead of picking up the legos. Boys can be soooo frustrating!!!

We managed to make it through the afternoon without too many arguments between the boys....I didn't hear the usual, "I hate you Ethan, you're the worst brother ever!" Lindsey made cookies last night, so that did help. Although she told them they could each have four and Ethan ate one of Jonah's...and of course, that meant that I gave Jonah one of mine. Isn't that what any mom would do? At 6:30 it was time for Ethan to get his nighttime medicine...there would be no sleeping for him or anyone else without it and it takes 45 minutes to an hour to kick in. So that usually signals the last minute push for snacks, clean-ups, and whatever else needs to get done. Lindsey ran through a couple of her piano pieces real quick because she is playing in a piano competition Saturday. I threw a load of laundry in the wash and the boys had one last gun battle with the nerf guns.

With bookbags packed, clothes laid out for the next day, stories read, and snacks eaten it is finally bedtime. Well, it is time for the boys to go upstairs. Ethan is tired and will go to sleep. Jonah will stay up until 11. I don't really like him staying up late, but I also can't make him sleep. Nighttime is the time I have to myself and when my husband is home, it is the only time we have alone. And then bright and early in the morning, we have to start all this fun and excitement all over again. Although the details of each day may change, the basics are the same...get up, get the kids out, pick them up, homework, dinner, bed, rinse and repeat. Sometimes the monotony can get to me, making us all irritable. At the same time, any changes also can make us irritable as we are a family that doesn't really like changes!

I am going to include a link-up, but never have much luck with these. But if you have post about a day in your life, or if you are moved to write one, I would love to read about the day that other people have. I find other people's days much more interesting than my own!!

A Day in the Life of the worstest mommy Part 2

Ok, so the kids have gone and I have a chance to breathe. I have to get dressed...yeah, still haven't done that! Put my contacts in. Brush my hair, teeth, put makeup on, finish drinking my coffee, take my medicine, and sit. I go through a couple of emails and before you know it I have to go pick up my daughter from the elementary school and take her to the high school. Turns out, the little girl she was supposed to eat breakfast with wasn't there. Apparently, the girl's mom slept in so the girl and her sister missed breakfast. Lindsey was very frustrated and just couldn't understand why a mom would do that. Hard to explain that to a 14 year old! So she didn't get breakfast so we had to run back home and grab something quick, then off to the school. Luckily, almost everywhere I go is within a 5 mile radius!

After I dropped Lindsey off at school, I came back home for 30 minutes, then I went to the salon to have my hair colored. My hair turns gray faster than you can believe, so every month I am there with bells on! For me, it is like spa day! I feel better coming out than going in. I get to catch up with the girls there about what is going on with them, their kids...it is just a fun time!

While I am there, my mom is texting me about my daughter..."make her an eye appointment, she needs contacts!" You never grow up in your parents eyes, do you?!! The mom I carpool with kept texting me, asking me to meet her at Starbucks. UGH!! As soon as I finished, I rushed to Starbucks...as if the stuff we had to discuss was that important!

We share a position on the PTA Board for Hospitality Committee...basically, we give something to every member of the school staff every month. But we are trying to do something different for March to capitalize on March Madness. We have 55 families in our school families that receive "backpacks" of food from a local food bank...so we wanted to collect food in boxes marked for certain basketball teams. Our school counselor, who is in charge of the backpack program is all into this, so it is just logistics at this point. But we still need to do something for the staff....I am thinking a basketball cake from Costco. Like they would turn down cake! She thinks a diet coke with nuts and a tag saying "Don't think I'm nuts, but you're the real thing!" Really, it doesn't matter to me, just as long as they are happy.

So, we drank our coffee, talked about our school stuff, our kids, summer, and wrapped up. I left to go to the grocery store...did my grocery shopping then came home. Unpacked all my groceries and then sat down. I wrote Part 1 of this post and it was 1:00. See how time passes?? Before I know it, it is 2:15 and I have to leave for carpool. School does not get out until 2:30, but if I don't get it line early enough, I will have to wait on the street. Sometimes, cars get there as early as 2:00 and just wait! Do they not have anything else to do?? By 2:30 my two boys and our carpool friend are in the car. They are VERY loud!! They are saying things like "Hey, Mommy, I'm in the yellow reading group now!" "Bye, you suckers!" "There's that girl, you know, the one that is more brown, than yellow...not that I'm being racist." "I don't know why people always want to say "Hey Ethan' or 'Bye Ethan' I don't even like them!" And so on! It's like this everyday! It is less than a mile to our carpool friends house, where I drop him off. Once he is out of the car I try to clarify a couple of things...what is this yellow reading group? Ethan, when someone says hi, you need to respond...he correctly responded that he needed to find out who was talking to him so he could make eye contact first, then respond. Well, that IS what he has been working on in his social skills group!

Once we get home the homework battle begins. Ethan has math drills to do. Two pages of multiplication to be timed. He is supposed to do them as quickly as possible, but correctly. He times them himself...and the ones he gets wrong are all transposed,weird, huh? Jonah hates homework. So it's another battle to fight. Plus, I find progress reports and Monday folders that they forgot to give me yesterday. Oh well! We had a standard meltdown...this time because Jonah told Ethan that a giant meteorite was headed towards earth and that we would all die. That didn't go over very well. 3:45 we had to pick Lindsey up from school. Can this day get any better??

..still more, continued